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When Elizabeth Wurtzel was 27,
she published the best-selling Prozac Nation, a memoir of her struggle
with depression. On the cover was a picture of Wurtzel wearing a little dress,
with long blonde hair, looking angst-ridden and sexy. She seemed like an ideal,
highly attractive spokesperson for a generation of alienated, depressed twenty-somethings.
Where would she go from Prozac Nation?
To
Florida. Finding herself unable to write in New York, where she had been living,
Wurtzel decided to travel south to work on her next book in peace. This time,
she was writing a series of vaguely feminist essays analyzing what makes women
“difficult,” and why society resents them. Producing a second book was a
process fraught with danger for the fragile Wurtzel; the difficulties she
encountered are enumerated in exhaustive detail in her newest confessional
memoir, More, Now, Again: A Memoir of Addiction.
Before
going to Florida, Wurtzel, who had been having trouble concentrating, added
Ritalin to her usual cocktail of anti-depressants and mood stabilizers. At
first, she was happy; she could concentrate in a new way, her writing was going
well, and she was free of the stresses of being a hip, single young writer in
Manhattan. However, in the isolation of her Florida apartment, it soon occurred
to her to start snorting her Ritalin. In persistent denial of the drug’s
addictive power, Wurtzel was soon snorting lines every five minutes, convincing
herself that since Ritalin was “medicine,” she was just increasing her dose.
She continued living in Florida for a year, working on her book with increasing
difficulty.
Eventually,
she returned to New York under pressure from family, friends, and her
psychiatrist. By then she had begun supplementing her Ritalin with cocaine. She
ended up finishing her book, Bitch, at her publisher’s office, snorting
coke all day in front of the employees, with the janitors occasionally joining
in. Bitch was finally published, featuring a topless picture of her on
the cover, with her middle finger standing in for the “I” in “bitch.”
She went into rehab, where she remained for four months, supposedly confronting
her problems, and trying to seduce the male patients in her free time. She did
cocaine the day she got out of rehab. She went on a book tour and jeopardized
her career with her unreliable, irresponsible, drug-addled behavior. She fell
asleep during interviews. She couldn’t think of anything to say on
“Politically Incorrect.” She slept through a photo shoot for a Coach ad.
Finally, she realized, again, that she needed help, and she went back to rehab.
Eventually,
she accepted all the tenets of Alcoholics Anonymous and got a new lease on life.
Her bizarre final crisis came when she gained 35 pounds and no longer looked
sexy (something she had always counted on). In a frenzy at her weight gain,
Wurtzel immediately considered going off her carefully orchestrated drug
cocktail to have liposuction. Fortunately, her careful study of the life of the
poet Anne Sexton, her suicidal idol, tipped her off that it might have been her
anti-depressants that made her fat. She went off them, lost the weight, and
achieved happiness.
And
then what did she do? She returned to the genre that made her rich and famous,
and wrote More, Now, Again: A Memoir of Addiction. She achieved perfect
symmetry. She was depressed. She wrote a book about being depressed. This made
her famous. She got even more depressed, and became a drug addict. She wrote a
book about being a drug addict. You can’t help wondering what terrible
personal experience she’ll write about next.
More,
Now, Againhas nothing in common with such
thrillingly sordid memoirs of addiction as William Burroughs’ Junky.
Instead, it finds its strength in the often boring, banal minutiae of
Wurtzel’s addiction and recovery. In her year in Florida, she has almost no
human contact. She just sits in her apartment, snorting Ritalin and sleeping
every few days. She watches television obsessively (she prefers nature shows and
pornography, with which she becomes obsessed later in the book). She reads
fashion magazines as research for Bitch. She eats nothing but Froot Loops
and Frosted Flakes. She gets arrested for shoplifting. She becomes obsessed with
picking hairs out of her legs, and this compulsive behavior leads her to dig
into her legs with tweezers until they’re covered in oozing, infected sores.
This is the goriest thing that addiction leads her to, because her enormous
income keeps her from stealing to support her habit, and she always has
somewhere to live. But, huge disposable income aside, Wurtzel’s addiction is
not about recklessness. It’s a continuation of her life’s work: incessant
self-examination. More, Now, Again reeks of psychoanalysis; Wurtzel tells
us all about her broken home and failed relationships. Sadly, all her
explorations into her warped psyche never seem to help her overcome addiction
and depression.
My
emotions fluctuated as I read this book. On one hand, it’s easy to identify
with Wurtzel. She’s young, she has a sense of humor, she has really good taste
in music, and her problems are fairly universal: loneliness, self-doubt,
anxiety, and insecurity. On the other hand, it takes a lot of originality and
talent to inject interest into a 329-page book about your own mental problems,
with minimal plot to help you out. The memoir lacks literary artistry of any
kind: it’s a readable, occasionally witty book, but it’s mostly just a
straightforward, unedited account of what happened.
Perhaps
a little editing would have allowed Wurtzel to portray herself in a more
endearing light. Her incredible arrogance and her delusional attitudes toward
life and career are often painful to read. Wurtzel makes constant references to
literature, music, and film, which often don’t serve any purpose in the
narrative except as a testament to her cultural literacy. She never misses a
chance to remind the reader that she went to Harvard, and is well read in all
fields. Every person she talks to ends up reminding her how pretty, and smart,
and special, and talented, and charming she is, to her protests of “but you
don’t really love me!” She’s full of disdain for anyone who’s less
informed than she is, and she seems to think one of her main problems is that
she’s just too smart. Sadly, all her intelligence and Harvard education
couldn’t save her from writing a book that takes 329 pages to reaffirm the
tenets of AA. “Redemption,” as Wurtzel calls it, is not very convincing, or
interesting, when it comes through trite phrases like “in all of life, all any
of us has is today” and “I am removed from what is happening, and I am sad
because of that.” The best parts of the book come at the beginning, when she
humorously embraces her self-destructive behavior.
With
its confessional catalogue of emotions and disasters, More, Now, Again
comes off a lot like the end of an episode of “Behind the Music.” You can
just hear the ominous, delighted narrator saying, “Elizabeth Wurtzel thought
she had everything—a best-seller, money, fame, looks, a loft in
Greenwich Village, nights in all the trendiest restaurants and clubs. But then
she fell prey to a terrible addiction, and almost lost everything.” Of course
we get a sick, voyeuristic pleasure out of watching a privileged person’s
descent into misery. But the pleasure is not enough to sustain our interest in
Wurtzel’s predictable prose . At one point in More, Now, Again, she
praises a young man as the best fiction writer of his generation. She tells us
that she doesn’t say “the best writer of his generation,” because she’s
saving the title of “best non-fiction writer” for herself. In order to win
that honor, she needs to move beyond boring, vague references to the guidance of
God and her need to submit to AA, reject her individuality, and find the
“joy” within her. For this we read 329 pages of Ritalin snorting, leg
picking, and shameless self-aggrandizement? Wurtzel sells her sorrow without
artistry or original insights, and that’s the saddest thing about More,
Now, Again.
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